This is just a quick post – I’m singing in a concert tonight and have to retrieve my sheet music from my suitcase (don’t get me started on packing… is there anything more stressful?!) and get to a rehearsal.
Anyway, the point of this post is to say this – I DID IT! I only bloody did it!
Without wishing to sound melodramatic (I leave that to my sister), four years ago this month, things were almost about to hit rock bottom. I had dropped out of medical school and moved back home and was at the end of my tether. I was filled with sad, heavy despair and sure that things would never improve. CBT hadn’t worked, the medication didn’t seem to do anything and I just felt utterly hopeless.
I thought that I would never get better, never return to university, never know anything other than a life totally ruled by OCD. Even the simplest tasks were beyond me – I couldn’t read more than a sentence in an hour, I could no longer write by hand, eat with a knife or drive. I was, at the age of 20, totally dependent on my parents and siblings.
And today I finished my last exam here in Munich. I’m done. I managed a year abroad, far from home and without knowing anybody here. I made friends, good friends, and I travelled so far from my comfort zone that at some point the boundaries blurred. I sat courses in a foreign language, passed exams, sang in concerts and spent evenings full of laughter and chatter when a few years ago I wouldn’t even speak in front of strangers.
I did it. I actually did it. And although I’m very sad to be going home, I am so excited about the future. I feel like nothing can stop me.
Take that OCD.
Obsessively compulsively yours,